Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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