blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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