Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
