i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
