so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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