I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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