so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
