Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
