Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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