Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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