I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
