i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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