Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
