Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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