Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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