I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
