u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
