During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
