mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
