Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
