you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
