these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
