Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
