just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
