Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
