"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
