I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
