What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize