she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
