How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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