if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
