is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
