He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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