I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
