sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
