You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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