Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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