that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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