This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
