we have officially lost it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
