I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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