to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize