So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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