my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
