I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've blown a few things in my day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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