My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
