smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
