if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
