its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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