Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize