also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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