cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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