Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
