You work out of a Hotel?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
