Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
