Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've blown a few things in my day
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
