Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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