ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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