Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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