yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
