im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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