he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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