1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
