I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
